I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
