Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
