I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
