All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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