I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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