I wish I only lived at night.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
