I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
