dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
