If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
birth control should be required to get into college
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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