Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
