Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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