your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I know her cup size but not her name....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
