Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
