I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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