a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
