Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Randomize
