Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
