If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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