yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
