i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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