id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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