6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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