I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
