you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
