I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
