Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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