I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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