I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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