New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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