YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize