It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
