I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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