Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
