so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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