the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
