Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize