i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
