I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
