my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
