Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
