yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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