I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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