My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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