forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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