it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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