He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
