maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
