Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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