you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
