oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
