I'm so fucking centered right now
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my shit smells like andre
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
