respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
