One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
