are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
