from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
