So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
