your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
They are going to name an STD after you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
