my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
