My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
