I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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