I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
