well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
