I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
