So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
