escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
