Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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