i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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