none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
