around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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