he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
