puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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