I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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