i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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