when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
