Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
